Neptune – watery astrology humour

neptunefun

When you have Neptune in the 1st house, your whole being is experiencing the world as if living in a slippery-watery fairy tale with mermaids and funny-coloured Nemo fishes all around you. Enjoy!

Neptune in the 2nd – hm, money, fish. Yeah. You have the possibility this life to make a lot of money selling fish. Or selling sea water. It’s really good for your nose. Really.

Neptune in the 3rd. German guy in the submarine: “Captain, we are sinking” “What are you sinking about?” I cannot think anything else than submarines. Not sure why. I guess because of the radio communication. What else could you do on a submarine? Wifi signal might be arguably bad.

Neptune in the 4th- if someone tells you that all this is about is that you should live next to the sea, oh, please, just tell them to f off. This is what I’ve been told repeatedly. But, actually, I’d think I’d like that. So, maybe that’s all there is. And some childhood amnesia.

If you have Neptune in your 5th house, now that’s where the mermaids come in. I actually did a small research around the difference between sirens, mermaids and water nymphs. Turns out sirens are dangerous, mermaids not necessarily, and water nymphs are female divine spirits who animate nature. I think for the 5th house Neptune, you’ll have your experiences with life-sucking sirens as well as dreamy mermaids. So dreamy…

Neptune in the 6th. So, here are many possibilities. All about boring jobs like scraping salt from the bottom of a submarine. Washing dishes might be enjoyable for you, maybe that’s when you go to your personal lala land. Keep washing them, then. Otherwise, water doesn’t like to be organised, just a small reminder. You could stick it on your kitchen sink, if you like.

Neptune in the 7th house, oh my. Love is blindness, love is your escape from this shitty Saturnian nightmare called reality. And honestly, who can blame you. Relationships for you are the entry-ticket to the Disneyland of the soul. Go for it, screw reality.

Neptune in the 8th house. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. How to have sex with mermaids? Or wasn’t this? oops. Sorry. Though, if you have Neptune in your 8th, you’ll definitely find a way. Please, do share. Just one thing, remember, stay away from the sneaky sirens!

Neptune in the 9th. I’m already tired. Seriously, this is an exhausting house for Neptune. So. Much. Freaking. Information. Higher learning. Who needs this, anyway. The universe is infinite and we are all floating in it, no boundaries. But, with Neptune in the 9th maybe you’ll be the one who can teach this. Which cannot be taught. Wow.

Neptune in the 10th. The old man and the sea. So boring and again, so perfect. That was a painful book, by the way, so beautifully painful. What if Neptune has the ability here to light up reality as you have never dreamed before. You know, one day all is plain dull gray, and bam, one moments, and all the lights are up. Your office becoming a magical scene from “Avatar”. Don’t seem able to imagine that? Me neither. But maybe Neptune-10th-house person can.

Neptune in the 11th house. Omg. This is madness here. This is plain Alice in Wonderland. Never know what will happen next. Cannot plan anything. Amazing colourful anarchy. maybe the future of planet Earth? Or maybe another parallel future possibility we have the chance to fork in? Soo freaking exciting. I’ll go get my robo-rabbit.

Neptune in the 12th. Darkness. It’s over. What is over? How can be something over which never existed? No more personal pronouns from this moment on. I died here. Floating. The all. Oneness. Nothingness. All. Endlessness. Water. Air. Earth. Fire. Infinite. Spiral.

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